More Pressure, More Cleansing

This week has been full of pressure (mostly from within) and ultimately the recognition that I need to undergo more cleansing.

Two of the most commonly used "tools" God uses to cleanse us are marriage and parenting.  (For those who are single, God has plenty of tools in His shed for you too.  Not sure if that comforts you or not...)  For the sake of energy and because this is the one I was talking to God about this morning, I'm only going to touch on marriage.  I am a firm believer that we aren't to place Jesus-sized expectations on people, most importantly our spouses.  I fully believe that when I sing, "Christ is enough for me," and "You are the only one I need, I bow all of me at Your feet, I worship You alone," that I am speaking the Truth from my heart, mind, and spirit.  But my flesh, it is oh so weak.  I literally spent time praying over my husband and my thoughts toward our current situations this morning, felt great after that conversation with Jesus, and then as soon as I came into contact with my man, my flesh took over and it was as if nothing happened at all during my prayer time!  Me?  Well, I'm a person prone to frustration (my "F" word) and anger.  It takes me over, too.  My spirit has very little tolerance for this "virus" and reacts quick to try and rid itself of it; as soon as it begins to fill me up, my attitude changes, the air about me is tainted, and my face begins to contort into a look that makes me cringe - as in I really do cringe as I feel it happening, even though I don't seem to stop it!

So, today as I was walking with my girls and talking to Jesus, I just flat out asked, "How?!"

"How does this 'being one' thing work when we aren't supposed to completely depend on anyone else but Christ?  Do we stop having any expectations all together?  Do we place a 'healthy distance' between ourselves and our spouses?  But then, how is that 'being one'?  So, Father, how?!"

Almost 13 years in, and I'll admit, I thought He would have let me in on this mystery by now.  I'm wracking my brain, listening for His Voice, and seeking Him on this because otherwise I feel the enemy will always have a way in to do some damage within my marriage, and that, I'm not okay with!

As I quiet down and listen, the one thing that I keep going back to - after I've gone back to Him of course - is that I can only take care of my responses, my actions.  I can't do anything to make my husband or my children or anyone else want to do something.  That's between them and Jesus and so I have to trust God with that/them.  Me, though, there's my stewardship.

and...

He went into the Temple 

then,

casting out all who bought

and sold,

upsetting seats of the money men

trading the gifts of God

for gold.

And when

the outraged cries

had died,

and He stood alone

on that battle-field,

the blind and lame,

who came to Him there,

were healed.

.............................................................................

Lord of this temple (me),

commandeered

by alien interests,

let Your voice,

feared,

thunder with fury

throughout the whole;

Your whip be felt

on alien backs

till all have crept

into the night;

my shambled soul,

cleansed and still,

once more put right 

shall wait for You alone

to fill

it with Your love,

Your light.

And those in need

may come to find

help for the crippled,

sight for the blind.

~Ruth B. Graham